Way back in February I was trying to find some information on a new Whiplash album that I saw mentioned somewhere, when I happened to notice a Facebook post announcing Zeromancer's first gig in seven years (at the Vulkan Arena in Oslo). Now I had pretty much given up any hope of ever seeing Zeromancer, not least because they pretty much announced years ago that they weren't touring any more and that any gigs they did do would probably be in Norway or possibly Germany (where the majority of their fans live) and when I pointed it out to Rose I had no intention whatsoever of flying 1000 miles to see them.
But after watching several Boris T videos on YouTube, Rose was already very keen to visit Norway, so it made sense to go there when there was actually a gig to go to, especially since Rose had warmed up considerably to Zeromancer over the last couple of years (having previously only liked selected songs). To be honest, I wasn't particularly keen on the idea, but I eventually figured I was going to have to fly to Norway sooner or later, so I might as well do it when Zeromancer were playing!
And so the whole hoopla of organising the trip began: arranging travel insurance, flights, hotels, concert tickets... and so on, and then suddenly the day came for us to leave.
THURSDAY 16TH APRIL 2026
Despite having booked a flight for 12:45pm, given that we were flying from Manchester, and seeing that we were supposed to be at the airport two hours before our flight... plus the news was full of scaremongering stories about massive delays caused by the implementation of biometric passports, we had to leave at 7AM. Which completely vindicated my absolute insistence that I would not take an early flight. I mean Jesus Christ, if we'd been flying at 8AM we'd have been leaving at 2AM or something equally ridiculous.
We arrived at the airport car park at 10AM and then ate our sandwiches before heading in to the airport. We made our way to security where Rose was pulled aside so that they could check out her foot (same as last time, WTF?) and my bag had to be opened and my shaving gel tested before we could continue on.
Once through security we made our way to the (not very comfortable) wooden seating area and waited for the gate number to appear on the screens behind us. This was fairly tedious (of course) but the time did seem to pass quite quickly and eventually we were off to the gate, where we (of course) did some more 'sitting around waiting'.
Finally we were invited to board the plane (an Airbus A320, if you are interested) where we had booked to sit in the emergency exit row - for more legroom.
Neither of us had flown since our trip to Geneva in 2018, and I can't say I enjoyed it any more than the last time. The initial acceleration was a bit off-putting, but it's the banking and levelling off (and descent) that seem really unpleasant to me. At least we had come prepared with iPod shuffles so we could listen to some cool tunes as we flew across the North Sea to our destination (including plenty of Zeromancer, naturally).
The flight was pretty smooth, Rose sat next to the window and I sat in the middle seat with a rather large fellow sitting next to me, so I tended to keep my arms crossed most of the time, as there wasn't a great deal of room available. The landing was very smooth, and we were very pleasantly surprised how short the flight was as we had thought it was going to be well over two hours (we didn't take the time difference into account).
We made our way to the airport and then headed off to customs for the potential 'biometric passport' disaster, only to find a rather short queue of people in front of us. Above our heads there was a big sign telling us that we needed a passport, a visa (for visits over 30 days), proof of a place to stay and a travel plan.
Being a good British citizen Rose freely offered all the details of our trip to a slightly bemused (and not very interested) customs official. He politely took our fingerprints and photos before sending us on our way.
We headed to the station, bought a ticket and were soon sitting in the 'Quiet' carriage of a Vy train heading for Oslo. During the thirty minute trip, a lady conductor came to check our tickets wearing a rather peculiar outfit that resembled a knitted cloak. Interesting...
Arriving at the Oslo Sentral Station we emerged onto the platform, utterly oblivious to which direction we were supposed to head and promptly left the building on completely the wrong side. This was not an isolated occurrence and we must have spent several hours during the holiday wandering backwards and forwards around this utterly baffling, multi-level vestibule of hell!
However, having emerged, we made our way around the outside of the 'Mall of Oslo', past the 'Royal Gastropub' and past the doors we had originally hoped to come out of as they directly faced onto our final destination, the 'Thon Hotel Opera'.
I initially found a hotel next door to the Vulkan Arena, which would have been great for after the gig, but a bit out of the way for the rest of the time... so Rose found the Thon Hotel Opera which was much better situated and in parts actually rather glamorous! The foyer was very cool with the wall behind the desk a huge expanse of gold, a cool statue, funky lights and a rather ostentatious looking sofa near the lifts.
We were given our room keys and headed up in the lifts to the sixth floor, where we found that the corridors looked rather like a lunatic asylum that had been styled by IKEA. For some reason the numbers on the doors were absolutely HUGE, and also some were larger than others and some also had names underneath the numbers too (not entirely sure why... maybe they were special rooms?).
We decided the best thing to do would be to have a shower and then go out and have a look round. We had already planned to visit the National Museum on Sunday morning and we took a walk down there to get a feel for how long it would take. On the way we passed a slightly peculiar sculpture in a little square surrounded by eating places (including The Dubliner Pub) and the Oslo Town Hall.
Oslo Town Hall
Nobels Fredssenter
We got to the end of the pathway and scratched our heads as there was no sign of the sculpture park. We went round the corner thinking it might be just out of sight and spotted some people swimming in the sea, which must have been pretty bloody cold!
Eventually we managed to find Tjuvholmen Sculpture Park but it was a bit disappointing to be honest, there were only about five pieces in a space you could walk around in five minutes, but it was free so no great loss.
Franz West - Spalt (2003)
Moonrise, November, 2006, Ugo Rondinone
Anish Kapoor - Untitled (1997)
Louise Bourgeois - Eyes (1997)
Magne Furuholmen - Rudolphe the Chrome Nosed Reindeer (2012)
So we headed back up the pathway to Dognvill Burgers and made our way inside. The staff were very friendly and we both decided to order the 'Classic' burger (sans mayo and tomato), these were 199NOK each (not including fries, which were another 79NOK) but by God the burgers were lovely and I couldn't wait to have another one on Saturday night!
We looked at the desert menu, but we were already quite full and the cheesecake was 169NOK which seemed a bit excessive at £13.50, so we let it be. Who knows, maybe it was the best cheesecake ever? Sadly we shall never know...
Honestly, it doesn't look that amazing, does it?
After we sat and digested our burgers for a while we wandered back along the path by the water and then peeled off to walk down the other side of the harbour. Up above us loomed the Akershus Festning (Akershus Fortress) and on the way we came across a building that had a roller door with some cool owl graffiti on it (which I took a picture of and now intend to get made into a canvas).
Akershus Festning
We continued on round the headland and back up the other side, passing the ferry terminal on our right and later the place where the boat trip would leave the next morning. It was surprisingly warm considering it was only supposed to be about 10deg and we decided to nip back to the hotel to use the facilities and I dumped my coat back in the room before we crossed back over the road, walked towards the Opera House and up onto the roof, which is sloped and accessible 24/7 to anyone who wants to walk up it. It was fairly steep, but we managed to scale it and it afforded a great view of the harbour, which was lit up now as it was quite dark by this time.
The Opera House and the Munch Museum
In the square directly opposite the Hotel Thon Opera stood this enormous sculpture, which looks a bit like a cat to me...
Skapning fra Iddefjord by American artist Martin Puryear.
We came down the other side and then took a walk down the other side of the Opera House where the windows were lit up to display costumes and wigs used in the performances (presumably). We approached the fascinatingly odd looking 'Munch' museum building and then rounded the corner onto Nylandsveien, crossed over Operagata and then turned left onto Dronning Eufemias gate where our hotel was situated.
Thursday night walk - Approximately 3.5 miles
FRIDAY 17TH APRIL 2026
We actually took my alarm clock with me, but as it is radio controlled there was no way of adjusting it to Norwegian time, so I had to leave it set to UK time. I eventually woke up at 7AM Norwegian time (6AM UK time... very confusing) but pressed the wrong button and instead of turning the backlight on so I could see what time it was*, I turned the alarm off (with a deafening beep). Thankfully Rose was awake anyway (having barely slept) and we got up and went down to breakfast.
*The green curtains in the hotel were extremely thin, but incredibly effective at keeping out the light. I think there must be some secret Norwegian technology at work or something because you would never believe it from looking at them!
As we were on the sixth floor we pressed the buttons to call the lift, but we got bored waiting and decided to go down the stairs instead. Part way down we came across a locked door (which was a bit worrying, what would happen if there was a fire?) and abandoned that idea. We never did bottom out what that was all about...
Anyway, there was no fire, so it was not a big deal and the breakfast at this hotel was epic. Indeed, if we ever return to Norway I would consider rebooking this hotel for the breakfast alone. The first day we had fresh fruit, muesli and nuts, cinnamon buns and chocolate brownies. Yes, I shit you not, chocolate brownies for breakfast. Small ones, sure... but still!
Fully stuffed we headed back up to the room for a bit and turned on the TV to find an episode of 'Love It or List It UK' showing... actually it seemed to be on constantly on the 'Lifestyle' channel. It was the only thing we could find that was in English so we watched it sporadically throughout the weekend whenever we were back at the hotel.
The Oslo harbour trip was set for 10AM so we headed out and soon found ourselves aboard a rather funky looking boat that featured several sloped decks; Norwegians bloody love slopes, I'll tell you that! Everywhere you look there's slopes; boats, pavements, the Opera House roof!
We started out standing on deck, where it was quite warm (again) in the sun, but once we started moving the wind made it a bit chilly and we moved to the back where there was a bit of shelter. Eventually we went inside, which was just as good really as the boat had large windows that offered a great view of the shore.
Oscarshall
From the harbour we saw the 'Fram Museum' which is a triangular building celebrating polar exploration and also hosts 'Northern Lights' shows. We also saw 'Oscarshall' which is a neo-Gothic palace completed in 1852 and now open to the public as a museum.
It was a nice trip, but I didn't actually realise we were just going around the harbour... I thought we were going a bit further afield, but I guess you need more than an hour and half to get to anywhere near an actual fjord, so fair enough. Still, an hour and half on a boat is long enough really, as it does get a bit samey after a while.
Leaving the boat we walked back to the owl graffiti to try and get a shot of it in the light. Unfortunately there was a car parked in front of it and there was also a shadow from a streetlamp on it. I took a couple of pictures anyway and then we nipped back to the hotel to see about changing our room. They had told us to come back around 12 because that's when most people check out and they would be able to tell us if they could move us.
The receptionist was really apologetic and gave us a couple of small bars of Freia Melkesjokolade and a new room key. The new room was on the ninth floor and also was positioned to face in to the hotel (the building has a central void) so we had no view (literally couldn't care less) but we were not directly facing any streets either. We could see the huge 'Deichman' library, but figured that wouldn't be very noisy at night, certainly nothing like the taxi rank, which is obviously a constant 24 hours a day bustle.
We settled in to our new room and then set off towards Neseblod Records (found at Schweigaards gate 56) a record shop which occupies the premises previously used by Euronymous' legendary Helvete record store. The store is only open between 12 and 6 so we had to fit it in when we could, and initially it was a 'we'll do that if we have time' kind of thing, especially as it was in the opposite direction to just about everything else. But I'm glad we did make the effort to go as it was really cool to see the store, which is absolutely jam packed full of stock and display items (which must be worth a fortune).
Aside from rare test pressings of Burzum albums, there were also copies of albums like 'Black Metal' by Venom which were previously owned by Euronymous and all sorts of cool metal memorabilia, including a white satin scarf from Dio's 'Last in Line' tour in 1984, which oddly also featured 'Queensryche's' logo on it. I can't remember ever seeing anything like that before (or since).
But the real purpose of the visit was to go downstairs and see the rooms where some legendary Black Metal photos were taken. It's really cool that it's all still there, and that you can go down there to see it. You have to negotiate a very narrow spiral staircase (lined with T shirts, including Def Leppard I noticed, haha) and once downstairs you find a couple more rooms filled to the roof with CDs and T-shirts... we had a look through the shirts, but I didn't really find anything too exciting (and the prices were quite steep, though I guess a lot of them are very collectible).
Finally we made our way to the famous room where Euronymous and his cronies would hang out and shoot photos. Incredibly the legendary 'BLACK METAL' graffiti is still there, as is the upside down cross. I'm not sure if the throne and coffin were always there, but presumably so... there was also what looks like a 'Mayhem' stage backdrop along with a 'customised' painting which on first glance I thought was by Heironymous Bosch, but on closer inspection definitely looks too modern for that.
Before we went I wondered how accessible the basement would be and thought it only right that we should buy something to support the shop, after all, if I owned the shop and there was a constant stream of Black Metal fans turning up to look in my basement I would be a bit miffed if they didn't buy anything. But of course we needed to buy something small and light for the journey home, and fortunately a simple solution presented itself in the form of a 'Helvete' patch (actually Rose also bought a 'Helvete' tote bag, which will look great at the local library - haha).
On the way to the store we walked through Stasjonsallmenningen, which had two impressive buildings on either side. My photo doesn't really do them justice, and the pavement outside is a mass of interlaced slopes which must be an absolute nightmare in the winter!
On the way back to the hotel we took a different route (straight along Schweigaards gate, basically), which felt much shorter (and flatter) and led us back to ubiquitous Mall of Oslo. We headed round the corner and made for the Royal Gastropub where we planned to have lunch.
The Royal Gastropub is quite nice, but for the life of us we couldn't understand why everyone was sitting outside in the square while the actual pub was practically empty. I mean it was warmish, but not that warm... but then from what I understand being 'outside' is a big thing for Scandinavians since in the winter they are cooped up in their houses for months, so they make the most of it whenever they can. Which makes sense, I guess.
We decided to order the Cumberland Sausages and mash and a couple of Pepsi Max and in almost no time our food was placed in front of us. Rose had ordered the onion gravy 'on the side' and I kind of wished I had too because it was quite strong tasting and I ended up scraping most of it off my mashed potatoes. The food was quite nice, but very peppery, which wasn't too much of an issue for me (even though I put more pepper on mine before I started) but it was a bit much for Rose and I had to drink quite a lot of water to get through mine too!
After we ate, we visited the Oslo Visitor Centre and bought our Metro tickets for the next day trip to Holmenkollen, then we went back to the room and watched some more 'Love It or List It' before preparing to walk to the Vulkan Arena which was just over a mile away. This only took around twenty minutes and we arrived to find a queue forming. As we stood there we tried to think of the last time we had queued to get into a venue, or the last time we had arrived at a venue before the doors opened!
Usually of course the aim is to arrive as close to the start of the main band's set as possible, but here we didn't have the luxury of stage times (or prior knowledge of the best place to stand, something that really fucked us over later!). Once inside we headed up stairs to the main room and realised it was smaller than expected. Indeed it didn't seem big enough to hold 900 people, which was a bit of a worry as I had optimistically hoped that perhaps Norway's laws would preclude the stupidity of ramming people into venues, but this proved to be wide of the mark.
When we arrived there were only a few people at the front and since we wanted to buy T-shirts we queued up for that and then (stupidly, it turned out) went and stood in front of the mixing desk. While this seemed a good idea at first, as the venue slowly filled up the space between the mixing desk and the growing crowd began to form a natural conduit for those on the left hand side of the venue who wanted to get to the bar (situated over our right shoulder). This was clearly going to become an issue and so we moved to the right hand side, where we watched Zero Bats.
Zero Bats are a no wave / synthpunk duo from Oslo who create experimental gothic music. Inspired by bands like Suicide, Bauhaus, and Wire, Zero Bats creates a link between 80s and 90s post-punk and the modern alternative club and cultural scene.
In truth, Zero Bats are shite-awful nonsense with a singer who yelps his words into a delay pedal in an endlessly annoying fashion while his guitar playing friend potters about the stage apparently clueless as to what he's there for. Indeed, what we thought was them 'tuning up' was actually the start of the first song... so bad.
Unfortunately, by the end of Zero Bats set people from the front were pushing by us to get to the bar as well. Why can't people just go to a gig and watch the bands, why the fuck do they constantly need to drink as well? So, Fucking. Annoying.
Photo from Zeromancer's Facebook page
We decided to move once again, and I thought, okay... so if we go back to the left side near the top of the stairs we will be able to see (because the room was really not that big) and we'd be well placed to get out when the show finishes. So clever. Except that within three minutes of us moving and getting into a decent spot they pulled a curtain down to reveal another bar. FFS!
Which meant the only option remaining was the small balcony. Now when we arrived the balcony had been half empty, but I really didn't want to go up there because when you do you always feel like you aren't part of the show at all, especially if you are too high or sideways on to the stage. This balcony wasn't too high, but the only place we could stand (and see anything AT ALL) was directly at right angles to the stage, and even then we had to peer between the people who were smart enough to go straight up there when they arrived.
But still, we did have some room to stand and enjoy the music, even if we could barely see anything. From where I was I could see one guitarist almost all the time, the singer maybe 60% of the time (depending on how the people in front of me were standing) but the other three members of the band might as well not have been there. In fact, I didn't even realise the keyboard player was on stage until the end of the show! So that was annoying.
Also, we couldn't see the screen projections behind the band and I'd also not appreciated how alienating it is when the band speaks to you in a language you can't understand. I mean normally stage banter is fairly banal, and you wouldn't think it would matter, but since we were already looking down on the band and struggling to see them, it was another barrier to really engaging with the performance that we could have done without.
But still, we were in Oslo watching a band from Norway so of course they were going to speak Norwegian. At least they did switch to English once or twice, notably when they asked if there was anyone there without a Norwegian passport. Once we'd stuck our hands up for that a nice lady spent the rest of the show explaining to Rose what was being said and she passed it on to me. It was nice of her, but it didn't really help that much.
Thankfully the music was fantastic and more than a few times I had to blink to get tears out of my eyes as the band played some of my favourite songs, particularly 'Terminal Love' and 'Mourners' from the most recent 'Orchestra of Knives' album. It was clearly an emotional night for Alex too as his band played for the first time in seven years to a sold out hometown crowd. And really, you know, when you think about it, 900 people in a city of 725,000 people is quite a big deal when you think that (for example) London has a population of ten million.
With seven albums worth of material to choose from it was obvious that we weren't going to hear 'everything' we wanted to hear, 'Transparency' was a glaring omission; I was dearly hoping to hear 900 people enthusiastically chanting 'you avant garde motherfuckers' in unison and we didn't get 'Mint' either which was a shame, but we did get 'Cupola', 'Sinners International', 'Famous Last Words', 'Clone Your Lover', 'Doppelganger I Love You', 'The Underground' (which very unexpectedly opened proceedings) and 'Need You Like a Drug' amongst others before 'Doctor Online' closed the show (rather abruptly it seemed - perhaps we didn't understand when he told us it was the last song?) and we headed off into the Norwegian night, past 'Kniven' (an alternative/metal bar that was packed) and back to the Thon Hotel Opera.
Unfortunately, despite room 905 being a much quieter room than 640 (though the fridge in this one was just as annoying as the first one) it was a second sleepless night in a row for Rose...
SATURDAY 18TH APRIL 2026
After another epic breakfast (this time including a bacon sandwich, but sans chocolate brownies) we walked to the metro station at Jernbanetorget and took the train to Holmenkollen, the site of Holmenkollen Chapel which was burned to the ground in 1992 by Varg Vikernes (Burzum), Euronymous (Mayhem) and Faust (Emperor) and subsequently rebuilt.
Naturally we left Holmenkollen station via a slope... and headed up the hill towards the ski-jump, troll statue and the chapel. We turned the corner and immediately noticed the enormous ski-jump, at 84 meters high it's hard to miss and my photos really don't convey just how massive it really is. As we walked by we saw lots of people there (visiting as part of a trip to the ski-museum) and also noticed that there was a zip-wire event taking place.
I can't imagine zip-wiring off something that high. As we watched I took a photo of a couple of zip-wirers and you could barely even see them against the vastness of the structure behind them.
We walked on up the hill and under two bridges until we got to the chapel, where yet another slope takes you up to the car park. The chapel is rather dark and dare I say 'satanic' looking, but this may simply be me projecting onto it because of it's history... it's very cool though and I particularly love this photograph I took of it.
It kinda reminds me of the church on the cover of Mayhem's 'De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas' album, at least the steeple does... I guess that's probably just a typical Norwegian steeple design. The church was locked (understandable given it's history) so we couldn't look inside, but we had a good look around outside while I listened to Burzum's 'Det Som en Gang Var' on my shuffle. Because, of course...🤣
Once we'd looked around we crossed over the road and walked across the snow covered path (which was odd, given how warm it was) to get to the Troll sculpture. We had seen it as we walked up the hill but it looked even bigger close up.
I get that trolls are a part of Norwegian folklore, but I don't really get the appeal of them. They seem too comic to be remotely scary, but 'Visit Norway' insists they are:
Yes, traditional trolls are considered scary, as they are portrayed in Scandinavian folklore as dangerous, man-eating, and dim-witted creatures lurking in mountains and forests, often turning to stone in sunlight. They are associated with untamed nature and threats to humans, including kidnapping, and they are sometimes described as giants with rocky skin.
I remain unconvinced, but anyway, it was quite a cool statue and we sat on a bench next to it watching the lunatic zip-wire people for a short while before making our way back down the hill and back to the station.
It's amazing how many buildings in Norway have balconies, even these flats that back onto the train station have them. Okay the higher up ones probably have a nice view over the top of the station but the ones lower down not so much...
We rode back down the mountain towards Majorstuen where we got off the train and made our way towards Frognerparken, which in turn contains the Vigeland Sculpture Park. We passed a shopping centre called Colosseum 9, so we went in to take advantage of the facilities, paying 20NOK each for the pleasure! Stupidly we later realised that we could have paid once and taken turns... but there you go.
Suitably relieved, we toddled off up the road and found the entrance to the park. We'd only been walking for a few minutes when we spotted a load of people wearing 'bubbles' playing football. From a distance we assumed it was children, but as we got closer it became clear that it was mostly women who appeared to be on some kind of team building exercise, or possibly it was a hen-night activity? Not really sure, but it was quite funny watching them knock each other over.
We walked on, our calves already aching from all the walking we'd been doing (and all the bloody slopes and steps that seem to be everywhere) in the direction of Vigeland Park. Quite honestly it wasn't really what we were expecting as although it is indeed a 'sculpture park' containing over 200 sculptures, they are all sculpted by the same person: 'Gustav Vigeland'.
First we came across a bridge which had dozens of sculptures along it, including the famous 'Angry Baby' sculpture....and this. Whatever the hell this is. 🤣
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Honestly, it's an assault on the eyes. Just statue after statue after statue... all very similar in style, all naked, all slightly odd. And then at the end of the bridge there were pillars with some slightly different sculptures, with a woman seemingly fighting a lizard or something (don't ask me).
Then we turned towards the rest of the sculpture park, which mainly consisted of a sort of formal display laid out almost like a garden with what looked like fountains with more figures holding up large bowls (though there was no water) and beyond that an obelisk like structure made of human bodies surrounded by more weird, naked figures in strange poses.
We climbed up to get a closer look, but we were really flagging by this point and couldn't face climbing the remaining steps up to the top. The park extended a little way further back, but by this point we felt we'd seen enough and decided to head back to the road and catch the tram back to the centre.
In Norway you buy a ticket which entitles you to ride the bus, train or metro (and ferry, if you please), these tickets are sold in 24hr, 72hr or weekly denominations. We bought one for 24hrs as we planned to do most of our travelling in the one day. It cost about £11.00 each for the day, which isn't bad really.
On the way back we passed The Royal Palace (which seems to be closed to the public at the moment) before eventually alighting at Jernbanetorget and heading for the Coop to get some wine for Rose (principally to help her get some sleep). However, unbeknownst to us, supermarkets in Norway don't sell wine or spirits, only beer... you have to go to a specific state-owned shop to procure vino and that shop shuts at 4pm on a Saturday and doesn't re-open until Monday morning! WTAF? Fortunately we discovered this at 3pm so we had just enough time to walk to the 'Oslo City' mall and pick up a bottle of wine.
When we got back I started the check-in process for our flight home on the Norwegian Airlines app. I put in our details and then it said 'Now you can choose your seat'. Which would be fine, except we'd already chosen (and paid extra to chose) our seats and the app was giving me different seat numbers!
Originally we booked seats 14A and 14B (window and middle seats), but the app was now telling me that we were in seats 15B and 15C (middle and aisle seats). Also, we didn't know if row 15 was an emergency exit like row 14 (which we had chosen to get more leg room), and, of course it was too late to contact Norwegian Airlines so it would have to wait until the morning.
Unsure what else to do, I chose 'Exit Check-In' instead of 'Continue' and the app took that as acceptance of the new seats and presented me with our boarding passes. Great. And of course it was now too late to ring Norwegian Airlines help desk, so it had to wait until 9AM on the day of our flight. FFS!
We sat down in our room and relaxed for a bit, then walked along Biskop Gunnerus gate and caught the tram again, this time to take us to Ekebergparken (our second sculpture park of the day, which was much more varied, but no less peculiar!). On the way we encountered this cheeky fellow in the middle of a roundabout...
Paul McCarthy - Santa (2018)
Can you imagine the kerfuffle if someone installed that on a roundabout in London? But here it just seems almost 'normal' somehow... everywhere you look there are statues and they are always naked. I've never seen so many tits and cocks in one city in my life, and I've been to Amsterdam!
Unfortunately we didn't realise that when you ride trams in Oslo you have to press a button to tell the driver you want to get off; so we missed our stop and had to ride to the next one, get off and come back to Ekebergparken. At least it didn't take too long... but it was a bit annying at the time. Especially as other people (tourists it turned out) also got up and stood by the doors, expecting the tram to stop and let them off. That's another thing, you have to make sure you are in a carriage where the doors open, because some stops have shorter platforms than others...
So we finally arrived at the sculpture park and right near the entrance stood this sculpture by our old friend Gustav Vigeland...
Which kind of set the tone really. Although there wasn't as much nudity, there was still a lot of weird shit to be seen.
Sarah Lucas - Deep Cream Maradona (2016)
('I take licence to exaggerate a bit, especially in the knob department')
Richard Hudson - Marilyn Monroe (2002)
Louis Borgeois - The Couple (2003)
Tori Wranes - Traveler (2018)
Ann-Sofi Siden - Fideicommissum (2000)
Tony Oursler - Klang (2013)
Huma Bhabha - We Come in Peace (2018)
Salvador Dali - Venus de Milo aux Tiroirs (1964)
Fujiko Nakaya - Pathfinder #18700 Oslo (2018)
Jaume Plensa - Chloé (2019)
Nikki de Saint Phalle - L´ouiseau Amoureux Fontaine (1993)
Having looked round as much of the park as our legs could take (it was very hilly and our calves were burning once again) we headed back to the tram stop and rode back into Oslo, once again stopping on Biskop Gunnerus gate. We walked around the Deichman library to the Dognvill Burger cafe we had spotted from the roof of the Opera house on our first night, and I couldn't wait to get my teeth into another classic burger.
Rose went to bed about eleven and I went downstairs to give her the best possible chance of getting to sleep. I watched You Tube videos about Watches & Wonders until 1AM when I was falling asleep sitting up and really couldn't stay awake any longer.
SUNDAY 19TH APRIL 2026
Thankfully Rose went out like a light as soon as she went to bed and managed to sleep until the early hours, so she was feeling much more awake on our final day in Oslo. Our legs were still aching though, but we made it down for the final breakfast: fruit followed by muesli followed by bacon sandwiches followed by cinnamon buns followed by chocolate brownies. Amazing!
After breakfast I contacted Norwegian Airlines via their 'live chat' and they explained that the aircraft we would be flying on had a different seat layout to the original one. It turned out that rows 15 and 16 were the emergency exit rows, and we eventually ended up being moved to row 16 and getting our original (window and middle) seats.
We packed up our stuff and took our bags down to the reception desk, where they gave us a receipt and locked them in the back room. They asked if we'd had anything from the mini-bar (yeah right, 320NOK for a half bottle of red or white wine!), so no. Thank Christ we found out about the Vinmonopolet before the 4pm deadline! 🤣
We had to pop in to the Oslo visitor's centre before we did anything (to buy our train ticket to the airport) and once we'd done that we headed out again. After three warm days it was a bit cooler and it was raining too as we walked along Radhusgata towards the National Museum. For me there was one main goal here, to see Peter Nicolai Arbo's incredible painting 'The Wild Hunt' as used on the cover of Bathory's 1988 album 'Blood Fire Death'. As such I had Bathory's 'Oden's Ride Over Nordland - A Fine Day to Die' cued up on my shuffle and ready to play as soon as we found it. But to my surprise the museum was jammed with weird and sometimes quite shocking exhibits and was well worth the 200NOK admission fee.
After we paid we were instructed to head to the basement and to deposit our coats and bags in the free lockers. Actually this was a good idea because the museum was rather warm and carrying our coats (particularly wet coats) around would have been a right pain in the bum.
In the main entrance hall this huge curtain of reindeer skulls hangs, we must have walked straight past it on our way to the basement as we only saw it when we left and went to collect our things.
Maret Anne Sara - Pile o'Sapmi (2017)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: The artwork ‘Pile o’Sapmi’ consists of 400 reindeer skulls arranged to reference the Sámi flag. If you stand close to the artwork, you will see that every skull has a bullet hole in the forehead. The work came into being when the artist’s brother was impacted by the government’s decision to compel the slaughter of reindeer in West Finnmark.
MARET ANNE SARA: He was forced to slaughter his herd down to 75 animals, which would make him bankrupt. By forcing him into bankruptcy, the authorities deprived both my brother and the rest of our family of our culture, our inherited rights, and our traditional territories.
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NATIONAL MUSEUM: A figure wearing a jester's cap stands in a strange volcanic landscape. The colours are sombre, the brushwork raw. The figure seems to be gesturing to his surroundings, but what kind of world is this? Since the 18th century, the jester has symbolised the artist's role in society. Both create fantasy worlds permeated with melancholy. Whether the jester here is an artist or just a disoriented clown the picture does not tell us.
This is quite a large piece of art and in almost seems to 'glow'. I notice that on my original photo there were light reflections which showed that the piece was behind glass. I wonder if there is actually a light source behind the painting? If not the effect is quite impressive!
NATIONAL MUSEUM: Vala is a clairvoyant from Norse mythology. Returning from the grave, she foretells Ragnarok, when all will be destroyed prior to resurrection. Made early in his career, this statue is soon recognised as Lexow-Hansen's masterpiece. The year he finishes it in plaster, it is purchased by the National Gallery.
The first rooms we came to featured modern art from the last fifty years or so, some of it was pretty weird and some of it political, and there were even a few monitors showing short films including one very odd one, but I can't find any information about it. All I remember about it was this woman sitting in a chair, naked (obviously) and with heavy make up on, while another woman stood behind her ranting about what a slut she was and how much she wanted to get fucked. Then they poured red paint (or something similar) all over her, God knows what that was all about...
Kristian Kvakland - Protest (1972)
Kjartan Slettemark - Lyndon B Johnson (1967)
Gunnar Torvund - Hovud pa Veg (1980)
Sidsel Paaske - Burnt Matchstick (1966)
Berit Soot Klovig - Ho-Ho-Ho (1969-1970)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: This installation of frying pans, fried eggs, sausages and thyme tassels undeniably has a humorous touch, but the work actually sprung from a fear of war. At this time, and throughout the Cold War, the fear of the nuclear race between the Soviet Union and the United States weighed on millions of people. Although the scene itself seems homely – a breakfast table with a white tablecloth, freshly fried eggs, and sausages – it is disturbed by the avalanche of linked frying pans. And these frying pans are the artist's interpretation of the molecular structure of the heavy water needed to produce the atomic bomb. Created by an artist who mixed wild ingenuity with dangerously clairvoyant anxiety.
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Knut Rose - Enkelt (1981)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: 'Dream images, often almost nightmarish, in which anonymous human figures are both brutal overlords and powerless victims'. This is how art-historian Hans-Jakob Brun describes Rose's paintings. Often what we see is people engrossed in mysterious tasks that evoke a sense of anxiety and alienation. This is also true of this picture, which shows a figure with two heads - or are they masks? - casually playing with a mutilated body as if it were a yo-yo.
Miriam Cahn - Menstruasjonsarbeid (1997)
Bjorn Carlsen - Kadaveret Suges (1982-1983)
NATIONAL MJUSEUM: A Donald Duck like monster, assisted by a pink demon sucks the innards from a phosphorescent green female body. The carcass is entangled in a mass of arms, legs and intestines, amid a swarm of luminous sperm.
I didn't even notice the Donald Duck like monster until I read the description. I wonder what kind of drugs this guy was taking in the early 1980s?
Bjorn Carlsen - Boddelens Lunsj (1979)
Bjorn Carlsen - Sokende I Dod Sebra (1981-1982)
This guy is clearly bonkers, and a bit of a Dali fan I shouldn't wonder. 'Sokende I Dod Sebra' (Searching Inside a Dead Zebra) certainly has a Daliesque ring to it don't you think?
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Lena Cronqvist - Tango III (1986)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: Disturbing depictions of childhood, sexuality and mental illness are typical of Cronqvist's art. Starting in the late 1960s, she refreshes the traditions of Edvard Munch and the Mexican artist Frida Kahlo. Cronqvist becomes an important exponent of autobiographical painting in Scandinavia. In the 1980s she turns her attention to the male-female power relationship, not least between older men and younger girls. Here, semi-conscious young women cling to middle aged men in an enigmatic dance.
Olav Christopher Jenssen - Fra Ingensteds (1984-1985)
Tony Oursler - Satan's Daughter (1996)
This is one of the freakiest things in the whole museum, and that's saying something. So damned strange. Simple, but incredibly effective!
Sarah Aze - Night Flight (2024)
Simone Leigh - Cupboard XII (2020)
One of the coolest parts of the museum was 'The Pillars' which featured numerous works of art including this huge exhibit. There was also some kind of stairway made of metal that you could walk in where it was apparently very warm and claustrophobic (didn't fancy that much, honestly) and an untitled piece by Roni Horn that I initially thought was a very highly polished waste bin. 🤣
Firelei Báez - Muzidi Calabi Yau Space (or a matter of navigation) (2022)
Faith Ringgold - Who's Bad? (1998)
Just one more weird and wacky exhibit in this weird and wacky museum. There were, of course, lots of classical paintings, including landscapes and portraits, but lets be honest, for the most part the mad stuff is far more interesting.
The Norwegian Fairytales Room
This room was quite dark and featured several pieces related to nature and trolls. The tree has small holes cut into it through which you can see sketches of different animals and I quite liked this marble owl sculpture.
Ba Dedekam - Mother and Child (1960)
Theodor Kittelsen - Vasstrollet (1881)
Theodor Kittelsen - Skrittene var sa Tunge at Jorda Skalv (1900)
Kittelsen clearly likes trolls, eh? Apparently Burzum used some of Kittelsen's artwork on their album covers, notably the classic 'Hvis Lyset Tar Oss' album (which is my personal favourite), but also 'Filosofem', and 'Thulean Mysteries'. Unfortunately none of those artworks were on show in this museum, perhaps they are more likely to be found in the Theodor Kittelsen Museum at Blaafarveværket?
Meanwhile the picture below caught my eye because I thought it was by Heironymous Bosch, but again (like the picture in Neseblod) it turned out not to be, although it is of a similar vintage...
Lucas Cranach the Elder - Gullalderan (After 1534)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: A pair of lions play-fight, watched by a pair of relaxed deer. An abundance of ripe fruits makes life easy for people. Women and men sing, dance and bathe together among fragrant roses, feeling no shame for their nudity. They are shielded from care and pain. The idea of a mythical 'golden age' is taken from the poem 'Works and Days' by the ancient Greek poet Heslod. The golden age is the first and best era of the human past. In the background, high on a hill beyond the garden wall, we see Hartenfels Castle, the seat of the Elector of Saxony, in present day Germany. Can the elector ensure such prosperity and peace for his subjects?
Edvard Munch - Skrik (1893)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: The Scream is one of the most well-known pictures in the history of art, and has become a popular icon of our time. The figure in the picture has been used in many different contexts, and appears in everything from political posters to horror films. It even has its own emoji. The motif Edvard Munch created 130 years ago has now become a symbol we use to convey emotions.
In 1892 Munch painted the picture Sick Mood at Sunset. Despair, a motif that bears many similarities to The Scream. The colours, the format and size, the landscape and background figures – all are the same. Nevertheless, The Scream is radically different, because the main figure has been changed. In the first picture we see a clearly defined male figure wearing a hat and coat. In The Scream this figure has become a mysterious presence that is difficult to define. Is the figure we see a woman or a man? Is it wearing a black coat, or a dress? Is it a skull or a face we are looking at? Why doesn’t the figure have hair? These difficult and indistinct features of the figure make The Scream into a visual enigma.
The Scream is both simple and complex. It is complex because it lends itself to so many different interpretations. Its simplicity has to do with the actual execution of the picture. We know that Munch drew sketches and worked with the motif over a long period of time, but the painting technique and lack of detail give the impression that it was painted quickly and spontaneously. This approach, along with the vibrant, non-realistic colours, signified a new way of creating art. The Scream marks a decisive point in art history where form and content are closely interrelated and are meant to express the same subject matter. The work is a key turning point from the symbolism movement in art to the expressionism of the 1900s.
Edvard Munch - Maneskinn (1893)
There was a whole room dedicated to Edvard Munch, which was quite surprising really as there was a whole museum of his work next to the Opera House just a couple of miles away. Rose was keen to see The Scream (or one of 'The Screams', I think there are about four different version IIRC). It's an iconic picture for sure, but it's not terribly impactful in person; not overly large and with little contrast in the pastel tones. Hard to believe this sold for $120 million in 2012, I preferred some of his other works to be honest, but still. We saw it, so it's off the bucket-list.
Harald Sohlberg - Winter Night in the Mountains (1914)
NATIONAL MUSEUM: On the train home from Rondane for Easter 1899, Sohlberg makes the first sketch for what will become his masterpiece. To develop the subject he returns Rondane twice. Pencil and watercolour sketches, photos and several painted studies eventually culminate in the larger version here, from 1914. In a letter Sohlberg compares the experience of the mountains to 'a mass in a mighty cathedral'. Without a trace of human life, the mystery of the winter night is captured as a vision of overwhelming nature.
Johannes Flintoe - Voringsfossen Waterfall (1826)
This picture was displayed in a (magnifying) viewing box, which made me think it might be rather small. However, the Museum website tells me that it's about a metre tall so I'm not sure why it was displayed like this. I guess it did create the impression that it was larger, which gave the picture more impact. Voringfossen is, apparently, the 83rd highest waterfall in Norway with a fall of 182 metres.
For reference, the highest single-drop waterfall in the UK is 200m and that's Eas a’ Chual Aluinn in Scotland, but the next highest is only 120m. The highest single drop waterfall in Norway (also the 4th highest in the world) is Vettisfossen, which is 275m high!
Thomas Fearnley - Grindelwaldgletscheren (1838)
Soren Lexow-Hansen - Vala (1890)
Jacob Calmeyer - Vesuv I Utbrudd (1824-1826)
I must admit I was starting to get a little anxious because we'd covered nearly the whole floor and there was still no sign of Peter Nicolai Arbo's 'The Wild Hunt'. Thankfully we turned a corner and I finally glimpsed the huge gold frame on the wall, immediately flicking my shuffle on and basking in the sounds of horses galloping and lilting clean guitar as I walked towards it...
Peter Nicolai Arbo - Asgardsreien (1872)
After a few minutes Rose was getting restless so we went and sat down in the next room (what a pity there was nowhere to sit in the room with the Arbo paintings!), I got my phone out and left her there doing Spellsbee while I went back into the other room and finished listening to Bathory whilst looking at the paintings. 🤘
Peter Nicolai Arbo - Valkyrjen (1869)
This picture is pretty cool too, but Rose rather spoiled it by pointing out that the horse looks more like a Thelwells pony! It kinda does though, and once you see that you can't unsee it. I bet someone could make an amusing parody of this using AI but I certainly won't be doing that!
Peter Nicolai Arbo - Natten (1887)
According to Boris T's video about the museum, this painting was apparently used by Burzum on their 'Umskipar' album. Also Satyricon used one of Munch's drawings for the cover of the 'Deep Calleth Upon Deep' album, perhaps that one is in the Munch museum as I don't remember seeing it here.
This video gives a good overview of the museum, or as much as is possible in four minutes... it seems we missed out quite a bit, but then ceramics and busts don't really excite us that much to be honest.
We still had a few hours to kill though, so after visiting the gift shop and purchasing a couple of fridge magnets for the Mums, we walked back towards our hotel and stopped off in the Royal Gastropub for a drink. This time we sat in the older part of the building and it was really nice in there. The walls were lined on both sides with raised booths and we sat there chatting and looking at the 'Departure' boards for the station.
After a while Rose suggested we ordered some fries, and they were bloody lovely... I could have eaten two or three portions quite honestly, but we restrained ourselves to just one bowl each (and a second Pepsi Max each to wash them down).
Then we headed back to the hotel for the final time (no more Hotel Thon Opera breakfasts, nooooooo!), picked up our bags and made our way to the train station. It had been a hell of a few days and we packed in so much, which was great because I doubt we'll be going back any time soon.
Seriously though, it was great that we did because if I'd flown there just to see Zeromancer and for no other reason it would have pissed me off a lot more than it did that we could barely see them. The museum in particular was great, yes if my feet hadn't been hurting so much it would have been even better and we could have done the third floor too, but we really were 'done' by that point.
We got to the airport way earlier than we really needed to (of course) and amused ourselves by looking at the prices of chocolates in the 'so called Duty Free'. Honestly, who the hell is paying these prices? You'd have to be as dumb as rocks to pay 280NOK for three bags of Maltesers! I have to say though, the twin pack of Jack Daniels was decently priced, but I didn't need any and I couldn't be arsed to carry it!
We boarded the plane on time, but then sat there for nearly three quarters of an hour before we finally took off. Again the banking made me feel queasy, but on a positive note somehow the supposedly 125m flight only took as just over 90m, so that was good!
Nothing else of note really happened on the way home. Rose fed me the nearly out of date bag of Minstrels we'd left in the car a few days before, and we got home about 11pm. We both had showers and ate some SW chips, but we were too tired to face catching up on the previous Thursday's MAFS so we went to bed and caught some much needed ZZZZZZZs.
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